You can't out give God, or so my mother tells me

It is interesting to me that as things progress I feel a greater need to hold on to what I've got. In the process it feels like more and more of what I have is being taken away. New brakes are needed on the car. The light bulbs that burn out even though I just replaced them. Various other "emergencies" seem to constantly require me to dip into my "emergency" funds.

Then my mother reminded me that I need to feel blessed that I had the money to pay for these things in the first place. Wow, why didn't I think of that? These are emergencies, and the money is there just like I planned it to be. How convenient is that?

After dwelling on this a moment or two I remembered how when I give to a charity or where ever I feel lead to give, I always seem to get back so much more. So I took a leap of faith and began to give of what I have instead of withholding it.

I have a friend who just had surgery and needed someone to help him with meals. I remembered some soup I had stored in the freezer and used ingredients I had on hand to make a batch of spaghetti and meatball soup. The same day I gave it, another friend gave me an even bigger batch of soup that he had just made. He had no idea what I had done. Abundance in action.

The Universe(God) is infinite and when you give with love and an open heart with no strings attached you get so much back in return. I am so blessed. Aren't you?

Dishwashing Meditation

If you are like me and you wish you could meditate more, I've got a solution for you. There are so many things going on in our lives that keep us keyed up and tense. I know for me one of those things was doing the dishes. However in the process of learning to be present in my life I have come to not only be accepting of doing the dishes, but to find it very meditative. Here is what I do.

First, you need a sink full of dishes. (of course one dish will do, it just won't last as long) Before you do anything, take a couple of deep breaths and become aware of your body. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel anywhere you body is touching something else. Your clothes, the sink the sponge in your hand, etc.

Once you are centered in your body begin the ritual of washing the dishes. Focus on the temperature of the water, the feel of the soap, become fully aware of your physical surroundings. Any time your mind wanders to something that is not the mechanics of washing dishes, bring your attention back to what you are doing. How does the dish feel in your hand? Solid? Fragile? Rough? Can you still smell dinner? the dish soap?

Remember to breath.

Be deliberate in all that you do. You can wash fast or slow. Whatever works for you, just don't rush as this is an indication you are not fully present and you are probably already thinking about what is next on your list.

Once you are complete feel what your state of being is at that moment. Just be with whatever it is. Are you feeling peaceful? Complete? If the state of being feels good to you, take it with you to your next task. If on the other hand you feel tense or anxious, review what you have just done. More than likely you allowed yourself to drift from the present moment. No worries, this is just an exercise. When next you are faced with more dishes is your chance to practice again.

Now that you are complete release the task as being done and continue with whatever comes next.

Let me know how this worked for you.

Choosing Pain

So as I go on this fabulous journey to create inner peace I have come to some realizations. One of which is how we as human beings choose pain. Yes, I said we CHOOSE pain.

I know for myself there have been days when I have felt down and I know that all I have to do is think of something else, or change what I am doing to change how I feel. And I'll spend a few minutes "trying" (a useless word really. Like Yoda said, you either do or do not, there is no try.) to change my state of mind. However, after a few minutes I will convince myself that it's too much effort or too hard, and I'll give up and slip back into feeling blue.

It's incredible really. Once I really got that, it became easier and easier to change my state of being. It is not instant, at least not yet, but it sure beats the alternative. Staying sad. Once I began to make that realization for myself I began to see how my friends make that choice, too.

It has been interesting watching my friends choose the stories that keep them in turmoil. We make up a story about whatever present situation we find ourselves in and continually add to it until the story is bigger than what is actually happening. For instance, getting a parking ticket. Annoying yes, but really are you not just reaping the consequences of not following the rules? And in the grand scheme of life it is not in and of itself a big deal.

However, it is when you begin to create a story around it that it grows and takes on a life of its own. "The police are out to get me." "They (whoever 'they' are) are ripping everyone off." "Why does this always happen to me?" So many stories we can make up which if we played it on the big screen would be entertaining, but you could see how the ticket itself is not traumatic. We give it the power to alter our state of being. It does not, in reality have any power over us. Think not? Then why do some people let you in front of them on the freeway while others will honk their horn and suddenly try to run you down? It is all in the individual's state of being. It is not inherently the act itself. Interesting.

It has helped me to greatly improve my ability to spot it in myself. However, it sometimes seems that even knowing we have a choice, we choose it anyway. Why?

I'd love to hear your response to this question.

CJ

Meaning, Mischief and Mayhem part 3

So just how do we tear down the walls of illusion? It is actually simpler than you think. Yep you have to think! LOL If the wall are nothing but illusion, then you must be picturing a wall there. So begin to picture what is on the other side of the wall. Be over there. I used to hate it when they would say that to me in class. Be with the other person. I now realize that to truly "Be" with another person and "Be over there" is simply to feel the connection between me and them.

In that moment, you realize there is no me and them, there is us.

So stop yourself the next time you label someone. And realize that you are labeling yourself as well. The true illusion is that there is any separation between anyone or anything. There is none. So feel it. Go with it and see where it leads you.

Living with Fear

Fear is something each of us with. Each fear is unique to each person. She has a fear of dogs, he has a fear of failure and yet another has a fear of success. The spectrum falls from fear of things, people, places or events. The intensity varies as well. It goes all the way from creating a feeling of mild caution to full blown panic attacks. And yet we all still manage to live, breath and make it through each day.

What's my fear? Right now it is falling asleep when I'm alone in my house. I tell myself that it is an irrational fear, but is it? I can usually put it aside, because I live with three other people in the house. However, on those rare occasion when I am alone, it is sitting there waiting, like the uninvited guest who refuses to leave the party.

I have used herbal teas, herbal medicne, chinese medicne and even sleeping pills in an effort to be able to rest easy. Nothing worked. It would get worse with each time as my anxiety and dread with each experience. I knew I was making it harder on myself, but couldn't stop myself. So I knew I needed to look for the answers in my head.

In the last few years I have been studying my mind. How it works, what it wants and how it goes about getting it. I have come to realize that my mind is a separate being from me. No, I don't have split personalities, but I can see that there are two distinct parts of me. There is the spiritual side, which can feel the interconnectedness of all things. Then there is the mental me, the part that believes it is separate, different and not at all a part of the whole design of life. I've come to learn that this is the ego.

The ego is not truly the mind, it is something else altogether. It is not the intelligence. It is not creativity. It is not even completely necessary. (at least not in my opinion.) It is separate from our survival instinct, yet it taps into it to get what it needs.

So if it is none of those things, what is it? It is the voice in the head. You know the one I'm talking about. The one that likes to make a commentary on all of your life. The one that says things like: "Why did I do that! I'm so stupid!" or "Why did she say that? What did she mean?"
It is the story maker. It keeps the notion alive inside that you are separate from everything else.

What is the reason for this separation? Is it to learn? to grow? Is it needed for survival? Survival, an interesting concept when it comes to the ego vs. spirit. It sometimes appears as a war where only one can survive, but since when has war really solved anything? So if I don't go to war against my ego, how can I break it's hold over me?

Presence is what will break it's hold. What is that? It is where you're attention is placed on what is going on right now. Not what happened in the past, or some mythical place in the future, but where you are right now. The task you are completing at this moment. However, it is also the alert presence to all around you as well. It is feeling the connection to all of life.

So when it came to my fear, I asked myself "How can presence help me gain control of my fear?" The concept is very simple, but the practice took some time.

Just a few weeks ago I found myself once again alone in the house. I had been practicing presence on a pretty consistent basis and was excited to find out if it would help with my fear. So there I was, alone in the house. I had checked every room to make sure I didn't have any uninvited visitors. After all, I'm practicing presence, not dismissing the practicalities of being alone. In making sure there was nothing to be afraid of, I was honoring my instincts.

I knew I didn't just want to dismiss my fear. After all, we have it for a reason. However, I wanted to dissolve my irrational fears. The irrational fear is when there is no danger present and our mind is filled with either a past injury, or fear of a future one. Either way, our fight or flight response has kicked in and our body is filled with chemicals that speed up our heart rate and get us ready to either fight for our life, or flee to safety.

So when the fear came in, I did a reality check. Am I in danger? Now is when I need to be completely honest. I didn't want to rationalize, quickly try to dismiss the feeling or beat myself up for feeling it. I looked around to see if I was in immediate danger. Not finding anything threatening, I focused on the sensations running through my body and allowed it to wash over me. It was intense. It was overwhelming, but in the light of presence was over with very quickly. In the aftermath I once again checked in with myself to see if I was okay. I was fine.

This happend a couple of times throughout the evening, each time getting shorter and shorter. Finally by the time I was to go to bed I was feeling peacful and calm. I even slept throughout the night with no night terrors to interupt my sleep. Incredible.

Am I cured? No. There was nothing to cure. There was only the present moment to be dealt with. I don't need to think about it worry that it will come up again, because the chances are good it will. However in light of being able to deal effectivily with it in the past gives me the courage to face it again in the future. I don't need to worry or put anymore attention to it at all. Now I can spend that time I spent worrying about it on something more important. Like how to bring about world peace. LOL